I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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