@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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