Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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