He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We talked him into tasing himself.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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