Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
