I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
