Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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