so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
