In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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