I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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