I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
