We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
