did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
