I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
