woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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