I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
