some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
