I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
