I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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