Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
