dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
