the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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