Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
