Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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