i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
