Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
