Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
