I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
