I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
