Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
