I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
