So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
