i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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