I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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