That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
