I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
