can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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