Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
