her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
