first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
