Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
