I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
