i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
