billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
