I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
