you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
