Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
