just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
