You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
