did you get engaged???
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
